Sleep Deprivation

A woman without sleep is a shell...

You can tell a person who does not sleep well, their eyes are glazed and they have a demeanor that leaks energy, that is because sleep is so important, there are myriad studies on the benefits of sleep, especially following an illness or in my case, surgery.

Having been what I term a 'good' sleeper most of my life, I find lack of sleep or poor quality sleep most frustrating, affecting not only my physical body but my mental faculties and most importantly for those around me, my mood. The restrictions of abdominal surgery mean that certain positions are uncomfortable, and lying on my back is not my preferred position for sleeping; I am a curled cat, a foetal sleeper. I miss sleeping on my side.

Now, I am 7 weeks post-op but I've only really been active over the past two weeks and only pain-free for 1 week following the removal of the stent from my ureter.

My strategies for getting to sleep include the following (no sheep were involved in the counting):

• Listening to mantras
• Breathing slowly and deeply
• Counting down from 100
• Listing all the states of the USA in alphabetical order
• Numbering the alphabet e.g. Z=26
• Trying to remember the Capital Cities of Europe
• Pulling my hair out!
• Trying to lie really, really still

SOD (Stent Out Day)

Stent Out Day....

I feel ok about this 'procedure' as they call it as I've been feeling quite fed-up at 6 weeks post-op with nowhere near the levels of energy that I need to partake in normal activities. I still feel incredibly bruised in my abdomen and am probably being too impatient as it wasn't just a hysterectomy but the added complications of endometriosis and then my ureter being damaged.

Having the stent is causing me some discomfort almost daily, it a low ache that reaches up my side and is worse just after peeing. Right now I can't entertain walking for miles; climbing a hill; lying on the grass; sleeping in a tent; soaking in a bubble bath; doing yoga; flying round the world; belly dancing; doing a pilgrimage; all these things I want to do desperately but can't. 

So, the stent was apparently 30cm in length and is finally out of my body and it only took a few minutes in which the doctor placed a camera up through my lady bits to retrieve the stent from my bladder, ureter and right kidney. It was uncomfortable but I had no anaesthetic and I think I must have incredible high pain threshold due to years of living with endometriosis.

My bladder was really irritated afterwards and I had the urge to urinate for several hours which is not pleasant as you get to the toilet then nothing comes out. You know how it is if you've ever had a bladder infection (something I thankfully never had to endure).

I take more arnica homeopathic remedy when I get home to help the healing process. Joy of joys, I suddenly realise that after 6 weeks of intense trauma on my body I'm now totally organic again with no 'foreign matter' in or attached to me.

Don't over do it...

That's all I have to say on the matter....

Appearances can be deceptive when you are healing. I look well but I know my insides have a long way to go before they are fully healed. It is 5 weeks since the hysterectomy and I still have the stent inside me which is not pleasant, so there is still shock and trauma held at a deep level.

It is dry yet breezy today and if I'd have been well I would've been at our local village's Harvest Home celebration. This is a rural event upheld in small communities around the area I live in, dating back over 100 years. The usual characters all partake in these events including a big meal of local meats, salads and trifles followed by speeches then later an afternoon tea, games and a live band in the evening. All held in a large marquee in the middle of a field. 

I can almost smell the chunks of fresh bread, cubes of cheese, pickles and condiments mixed with the soft, country smell of the grass underfoot. Flowers dotted along the long trestle tables and the bustle of the feast as people consume jugs of ale and cider.

But as I said, there is no way my body could cope with that so I rest. And wait.

Holistic Treatments to help after hysterectomy...

Choose a holistic treatment to aid your recovery...

If you feel anything like me after having surgery you will want tender, loving care and not a full on massage which can probably be detrimental anyway if you are still bruised inside and sore outside too.

Some gentle treatments that can really help include reflexology and you can find one near to you via:

Association of Reflexologists

I am lucky enough to know therapists in my area who practice many different types of therapy so have found homeopathy, reflexology, cranial osteopathy and acupuncture all widely available and very effective at getting me back on track.

My homeopath has prescribed me:

Staphysagria - for post-surgical pain. read about it

Arnica - for bruising and trauma. read about it

Thuja - a fascinating remedy that taps into the divine feminine - read about it

Today I had my first cranial osteopathic treatment with one of the best practitioners I know. This is not to be confused with conventional click and clunk osteopathy that realigns the bones and joints and ligaments but a more gentle intuitive type of therapy. I have found it most effective in dealing with the excruciating symptoms of endometriosis in the past, especially chronic pelvic and back pain. If you are responsive to subtle, gentle approaches I'd really recommend finding a good cranial osteo and have some treatments. I find myself just wanting to sleep very deeply afterwards which seems to be my body's way of realigning itself, like a mini-hibernation.

Here is a link to my fabulous osteo

Be kind to yourself - treat yourself as you would a thing that you love most

Stent Irritation

You cannot see inside your body...

but you can certainly feel it. I have never been very good with non-organic stuff and the stent sitting in my ureter latched between my kidney and my bladder is a prime example.

I had been considering the stages of healing following my hysterectomy knowing that it was not quite as straightforward as I anticipated due to the cut ureter and it's own healing process. Each day I felt less tired but it would creep up on me like the weather beside a British coastline, one moment the sun was out and then a bank of grey would loom over the horizon of my body. Tiredness creeps, it doesn't hit you like pain or emotion, it is a creature that leeches you like a parasite. 

After I wee my right side aches as if someone is drawing a sharp line with a blunt magnet, the tiny trickle is followed by a hot flash up my face and neck - this could be hormones or the elimination of drugs still working through my system.

Drinking only water helps - lots of it, to flush through and reduce the challenges my body is facing.

I keep to my mantra and listen daily to Deva Premal:

deva premal - listen

Aren't showers blooming marvellous...

I feel clean clean clean clean.....

Hooray, hooray the catheter came out today nearly three weeks since surgery. Goodbye plastic friend who gathered my urine day in day out, I will not miss you one bit.

I cannot tell you how much freedom I feel and it really wasn't that painful (men make a bit of a fuss apparently due to the longer length - these were the nurses words not mine). I quaffed a jug of cold water and managed to pee exceptionally clear urine - twice - had an ultrasound and was told there was a little teaspoon left in there but it all looked fine.

The nurse also kindly looked at my scar which was clean and hadn't bled for 4 days so advised to leave the dressing off. So I did. Thanks nurse. What I didn't envisage was needing a wee so quickly after leaving the hospital so spend most of the journey home in agonies and had to rush (well shuffle at a quicker pace) up the stairs as soon as I got home.

Joy of joys I love to shower, it is so refreshing to feel clean running water wash away all the detritus associated with recovery.

The weather has been hot and dry so I can lounge around drying naturally and letting my body use the balmy air to soothe it. Summer is my favourite season, the light and heat a natural remedy. My pet cat is being careful and affectionate, using his innate intelligence to sense that something is not quite right with me.

Cystogram and sense of humour failure

Catheter remains after being told it can come out two weeks post-op....I am disappointed....

I drag my poor bruised body back to the hospital for a cystogram, which is a scan of my bladder and it's workings. First off, the radiographer says 'so we're scanning your left ureter today'. Uh no!! I say, I've been told it's my right one that has been cut. 'Oh well' she says, 'we'll soon find out' as if left and right were mere accidentals but I like to know the whys and wherefores having been told the reason  why it was cut. Thank god they aren't cutting off my leg or removing a diseased kidney - right, left, right, left, oh let's just toss a coin. Panic over, it is the right ureter and I see on the screen the stent posing ominously like a conductors baton in my waterworks.

Anyhow, it all seems to be flowing well with no leaks (I feel like I'm a washing machine and they are the plumbers), so I ask if they are going to remove my catheter now. She says they don't do that there and I'd need another appointment but she'd check for me to see if there was any space 'on the list' today. There isn't.

My heart sinks. So I go home with the plastic bag of piss still attached to my leg but hey ho, at least I know it's all flowing in the right direction. In a metaphorical way I am actually reflecting my predicament by feeling pissed off at the thought of another appointment on another day. It exhausts me.

Meanwhile in another department that morning I'm phoned by the gynecologist's secretary to say that my GP requested someone look at my wound while I'm at my other appointment. I know this is not how it works, so why didn't my GP know this, we all know departments don't talk to each other, a bladder is a bladder, a womb is an entirely different matter (not that I have one anymore).

The end result of the day is my sense of humour failure but underlying it all I still have a great deal of respect for those I meet and whose care I have received face-to-face. How can I not, I depend on them.

About a Ureter

Until now I hadn't given my 'ureters' a passing thought.....now they are very much in my lexicon....

Ureters are the ducts that allow the flow of urine from the kidneys to the bladder, humans have two, I have a poorly right ureter as it was accidentally cut during surgery to remove my right fallopian tube and ovary. I was told there was some scarring possibly from the previous operation to remove an endometrioma, or caused by the endometriosis, which resulted in these parts of my body being stuck together like glue.

Being a fan of woo-woo and looking at all possible connections as to why this should be an issue for me, I turn to the queen of woo-woo, Louise Hay, who looks at the emotional connections we have with our physical body. Here is what I found:

Damage to ureter:

Fear of relationships / low self image

The bladder is about holding on, held anxiety. Holding on to old ideas. 

Fears of letting go.

Doesn't that pretty much sum up most of us if we live in the real world!

Then I'm told that the bladder asks us to be present. I'm all for that at the moment - what else can I do? I can't even walk to the bathroom without shuffling along and feeling like an old crone.

Oh, and each time new space comes into my life, something happens (what does that mean?) I suppose it means that when you have to sit still or lie still in my case at the moment, you are in a kind of enforced state of mindfulness, you have to listen to your body or it shouts back at you to STOP MOVING.

So here are some affirmations to combat this added challenge to my situation:

"I am strong and powerful and I have the knowledge and ability to handle everything in my life."

"I release all restrictions, and I am free to be me"

"I release the pattern in my consciousness that created this condition. I am willing to change. I love and approve of myself."

Surgery date

Expect the unexpected.....

I had prepared myself mentally, emotionally, physically and organised my home and work life so I could heal with ease after surgery. I had pushed for laparascopic (keyhole) surgery as this seemed the less invasive and took less time to heal from. I was optimistic and had managed to reduce my anxiety by reciting some mantras and reassuring myself I had good support networks in place when I was discharged from hospital.

But the best laid plans as they say.......

I awoke in a morphine haze to find myself in a lovely room of my own in hospital with an ensuite wet room (nice you might say), however my surgeon was telling me there had been a few problems and unfortunately my right ureter had been cut, but it was ok as the urologist had been called in and repaired it so it shouldn't cause any long term problems! I'm not sure how much I was taking in at this point as the room seemed a bit transient through my drug induced state.

As you can imagine this was not a gift I had wished for or even imagined, a cut ureter, a large abdominal incision, a drain coming out of my left side to take away blood into a bag, a canula attached to some morphine, a fluid drip into another part of my arm and a catheter draining into a bag on my right. Not to mention bruises and a rorschach teddy bear in sepia staining into my hospital gown where my poor body was leaking!

The nurses were wonderful, checking on me throughout the night, taking my blood pressure and temperature and being kind and gentle.

Drugs were very much needed so I stayed immobile like a stranded seal on its back waiting for my family to turn up and survey the damage.